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Enclave Colonel Allen

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PostSubject: America Reborn   Wed Dec 23, 2009 10:49 pm

::Scene opens::
-A wastelander dressed in rags sits upon the steps of the capitol building. His body is coverred in dirt, his hair a filthy mop. The man, he is indeed a man, reaches into a pouch hanging of the front of his overshirt, and pulls out a canteen,afterwards putting it to his cracked lips. He is without success, and out of water...He looks to washington monument and then shifts his gaze to the ground. The Brotherhood of Steel, in all their glory, refused to help him. The wastelander will surely die.-

::The Scene Darkens, and the man lies on his back parrallel to the capital buiding. He looks to the tatters of an American Flag beside him on the ground. His thoughts racing about what happened to the country his grandfather talked about. It was only a dream. His eyes close and he rasps for air out of parched lips. A buzzing comes sounds off in a low tone, echoing down the Corridors of the destroyed buildings. The man uses his remaining strength to open his eye, albait weakly, only to realize the noise getting louder. An insect like vehicle, flying with use of 2 propeller like engines, flies overhead. The Wastelander uses more of his energy to wake up, he is in a delerious state. Yet another of the strange vehicles passes overhead. His blue eyes, losing their color, stare intently at sky. A sudden rush of hundreds of the vehicles poured over the sky, A never-ending parade, seaminglly from Gods own hand...::

::Papers and debris pour down the street as hundreds of the aicraft pass overhead. The Brotherhood members duck for cover. Some of the older members cowerring in fear. They know this enemy. It is a righteous vengeance that overbears human wasteland understanding...::



Forgive my spelling and grammer. My Computer is severely limited in ability. Just tell me in a pm if I should write more or leave it to somebody else.
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Flattoecory

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PostSubject: Re: America Reborn   Thu Dec 24, 2009 5:08 pm

Enclave Colonel Allen wrote:
::Scene opens::
-A wastelander dressed in rags sits upon the steps of the capitol building. His body is coverred in dirt, his hair a filthy mop. The man, he is indeed a man, reaches into a pouch hanging of the front of his overshirt, and pulls out a canteen,afterwards putting it to his cracked lips. He is without success, and out of water...He looks to washington monument and then shifts his gaze to the ground. The Brotherhood of Steel, in all their glory, refused to help him. The wastelander will surely die.-

::The Scene Darkens, and the man lies on his back parrallel to the capital buiding. He looks to the tatters of an American Flag beside him on the ground. His thoughts racing about what happened to the country his grandfather talked about. It was only a dream. His eyes close and he rasps for air out of parched lips. A buzzing comes sounds off in a low tone, echoing down the Corridors of the destroyed buildings. The man uses his remaining strength to open his eye, albait weakly, only to realize the noise getting louder. An insect like vehicle, flying with use of 2 propeller like engines, flies overhead. The Wastelander uses more of his energy to wake up, he is in a delerious state. Yet another of the strange vehicles passes overhead. His blue eyes, losing their color, stare intently at sky. A sudden rush of hundreds of the vehicles poured over the sky, A never-ending parade, seaminglly from Gods own hand...::

::Papers and debris pour down the street as hundreds of the aicraft pass overhead. The Brotherhood members duck for cover. Some of the older members cowerring in fear. They know this enemy. It is a righteous vengeance that overbears human wasteland understanding...::



Forgive my spelling and grammer. My Computer is severely limited in ability. Just tell me in a pm if I should write more or leave it to somebody else.

This is very good. And well to help with spelling, Id suggest using Firefox as a browser. It comes with a spell check and is fairly lightweight. Unlike Google chrome.

I do have a few spots that bother me grammar wise. And I never pm suggestions, how else would others learn?



"only to realize the noise is getting louder"

"An insect like vehicle, powered by two propeller like engines, flies overhead."

Just a couple of sentences that bugged me. But, I really do enjoy this story, please keep it up.
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Enclave Colonel Allen

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PostSubject: Re: America Reborn   Thu Dec 24, 2009 5:43 pm

(thanks for the suggestions, Ill work on it)

-part 2-

::Scene Opens::

::5 soldiers stand in front of a vertibird, looking into the entrance of a large base known as the Raven Rock military complex. Its insides are gutted, and there is no other sign of life. One of the Soldiers,the name Prebble stincelled the chest tag of his uniform, looks gloomily at a spraypainted emblem of a claymore through a Cog. Blood still stains the doorway::

Pebble: "Norfolk, are you seeing what im seeing?"
::Indeed his video feed was directly showing up back at Norfolk Naval Base. Several high ranking Enclave Officials crowded around the televesion. One of the Officers, an eyepatch covering his left eye, slammed his fist on the table, while another patched into the Ballistic Orbital Missile Battery.::

------------------what good is writing a fanfic if none of you are in it? Just as well until I get pm'd details about your char's I cant continue-------------


Last edited by Enclave Colonel Allen on Thu Dec 24, 2009 10:07 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Flattoecory

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PostSubject: Re: America Reborn   Thu Dec 24, 2009 6:18 pm

Mine is sent. And Not a problem, that is what fanfics are all about.
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PostSubject: Re: America Reborn   Thu Dec 24, 2009 8:25 pm

:: char's so far: Colonel "Flat toe" Cory, the president "pistolero", Lt prebble, Colonel Allen::

::Both Colonels Looked at Pistolero. It was obvious that president Eden had been assassinated and the smoking vertibird piles didnt look good for Autumns fate. The Enclave Needed a new president to deal with the brotherhood. It was almost instantly decided... "Pistolero", Colonel(s) Cory and Allen both said simultaniously. "pistolero" was the only member, and highest rank, of the Enclave to be announced Lt General. He had successfuly led the 300 vertibird assault force across the wastes, jumping from gas station to gas station...airbase to airbase. "Pistolero" it was...::

:: The brotherhood had severely limited abilities with Project Purity. Trade routes were a mess, and the war with the Enclave hadnt helped. Protector Casdin leaned back in his slightly mildewed chair, oddly at ease. Casdin enjoyed his new position as the head of project purity. In his mind they needed somebody like him to run the whole operation. He was just about to allow himself at ease when 2 black clad troopers in advanced power armer mark II walked in.::

::"What the hell is this", screamed Casdin. "Is this a jo--"::

:: Two beams of red punched through his chest, Blood and gore splattered the back wall as Casdin's armor was cut open. Outside hundreds of brotherhood fled down the street away from the purifier as vertibirds chased them down and vaporized them. Unfortunantly for the Brotherhood, the Enclave had upgraded most of its birds to plasma technology at Navarro. Green Globs of molten men and material soaked the street with traces of black/ red blood::

::The Scene now switches to 3 enclave officers, standing inside the purifier room, the screams of brotherhood can still be heard outside::

Allen:"The day is ours gentlemen..."

Cory:"Damn right it is, were going to chose those cowards into the fiery depths of hell if necessary. Fucking traitors..."

:An enclave soldier fireman carries a wounded brotherhood member inside, then sloppily drops him on the deck. The brotherhood member has the name of Stahl on his chest plate.::

Prebble:"Hey guys.":

:Both Colonels shift their gaze to Pebble, who pauses a couple more seconds:

Pebble: "Dibbs on interrogating him."


Last edited by Enclave Colonel Allen on Thu Dec 24, 2009 10:07 pm; edited 1 time in total
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PostSubject: Re: America Reborn   Thu Dec 24, 2009 8:50 pm

whos Lt prebble.

and what details do you need?
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PostSubject: Re: America Reborn   Thu Dec 24, 2009 10:02 pm

Lt prebble is a member of this forum with a name that is easily usable. I just need any background info you may want to give me. Any suggestions for you char as well in this fanfic. Just pm me any detail.
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PostSubject: Re: America Reborn   Fri Dec 25, 2009 8:02 pm

I think you mean Lt. Pebble...
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PostSubject: Re: America Reborn   Fri Dec 25, 2009 8:37 pm

Well, pm was being stupid for me, so I'll just post my bio here.

Name: Lt. Johnathan M. Pebble (no that's not my real name Razz), commonly referred to as "Lt. Pebble" or "Pebbles"
Rank: Lieutenant (-Colonel, maybe Wink)
Occupation: Director of Vocational Affairs, Manager of Nuclear Ordinance (yes, I was somehow put in charge of the nukes), and occasionally other stuff
History: Born in the Enclave, has loyally, yet blunderously, served the presidency since induction into the officer corps at the age of sixteen. Managed to become DVA after showing commendable initiative and a knack for organization. Due to a mix-up in names, was placed as MNO sometime later. Kept position after a record number of merits and demerits.
Personality: Has shown signs of extreme masochism, and has been admitted into the wards a number of times due to "fucking up" or "sounding like a condescending dick".* Known to display some brilliance when he thinks "something fun might happen". Latest review pending.
Known close associates: Colonel "Flat Toe" Cory, President Pistolero, Quartermaster Shade(.ninja), and Metrophor [rank unknown].

*quoted phrases are from other personnel; not the words of the subject of this bio.


Last edited by Lt. Pebble on Sat Dec 26, 2009 10:32 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Metrophor

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PostSubject: Re: America Reborn   Sat Dec 26, 2009 12:26 am

Lt. Pebble wrote:
.
Known close associates: Colonel "Flat Toe" Cory, President Pistolero, Quartermaster Shade(.ninja), and Metrophor [rank unknown].

Well, let me just assist you with that, shall I? >.>
I'll just shamelessly gank Pebbles' profile layout. OH HO HO HO.

Name Alias(es): Metrophor; 'Metro'; 'Met'. Real name withheld for security purposes.*
Rank: Major. At last you know the truuuuuuth. :0
Occupation: Head of Propaganda, at least officially. Signer of endless requisition forms/dispatcher of Verti-Assault teams, not so officially.
History: Although, like all personnel, Metro must have been born into the Enclave, no one seems to recall how long she's served, who her family was, what -if anything- she did to achieve her current rank, or why she keeps getting away with dying her hair bright blue. Ostensibly in charge of distributing Enclave propaganda (possibly due to a truly uncanny knack for reaching vantage points that should be physically impossible to get to... and then plastering those vantage points with recruitment posters), she also seems to have absorbed the position of Vertibird strike coordinator.
Now if only people would stop blowing them up.

Personality: Metro is... well... of questionable mental stability, to be honest. She claims, for example, that she served in Navarro, which would either make her considerably older than she appears, or somehow able to bend the fabric of time and space.
She also has a truly astonishingly bad sense of direction, not to mention an unfortunate tendency to lapse into bouts of demented laughter when Terrible Things happen to Other People.

Not much of a tactician, really, preferring instead to just make things up as the situation warrants.

Known close associates: President Pistolero, Colonel "Flat Toe" Cory, Lieutenant(-Colonel?) Pebble, Quartermaster Shade, etc. etc.

Personal Quote: "I'm very nearly mostly normal."

*-Fine, fine. It's Zoe. Zoe Obidin. Happy now? >.>
...Yeah. Not my real name, either.
Incidentally, roughly translated, 'Obidin' means 'one who mentally hurts another'.
YEEHEE. HEE. HEE. >D
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PostSubject: Re: America Reborn   Sun Dec 27, 2009 1:27 am

Jeeze, thanks for linking to TV Tropes Metro. I just spent two, maybe three, hours there. Again.
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PostSubject: Re: America Reborn   Sun Dec 27, 2009 2:03 am

that site is like a black hole
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PostSubject: Re: America Reborn   Sun Dec 27, 2009 4:19 pm

No kidding. One of my favorite indexes is the "unfortunate implications".
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PostSubject: Re: America Reborn   Sun Dec 27, 2009 5:16 pm

Self Control guys. Just read what is linked and move on.
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PostSubject: Re: America Reborn   Sun Dec 27, 2009 6:47 pm

Oh yeah, we got off topic again. Well, that's rather embarrassing.

Anyone know when the next chapter will be up?
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PostSubject: Re: America Reborn   Sun Dec 27, 2009 8:35 pm

Lt. Pebble wrote:
Oh yeah, we got off topic again. Well, that's rather embarrassing.

Anyone know when the next chapter will be up?

When Allen Appears I suppose.
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PostSubject: Re: America Reborn   Tue Dec 29, 2009 12:59 am

Im working on a longer version so I dont just post 3-4 paragraphs. It will be up by wednesday.
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PostSubject: Re: America Reborn   Tue Dec 29, 2009 4:51 am

Oh goody. You get promotion points if my character eventually does something incredibly detrimental to literally everyone. geek
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PostSubject: Re: America Reborn   Tue Dec 29, 2009 9:43 am

Im not done, not nearly. But here is a snippet.

:: The Brotherhood of Steel Captive keeled over from a punch from Lt pebble.::
Pebble: “You will give us the access codes to your computer systems, I can promise you that.”

BoS Captive:”Recruit Miles Garnett, Holotag number 725----“

::Another punch to the Captives face resulted in three of his teeth being forcably removed in a spray of blood and spittle.::

Pebble:”Believe me. You don’t want to know who Im bringing in here next…TELL ME WHAT I WANT TO KNOW!”

::The BoS recruit spit at Pebble, and promptly received yet another punch to his face. Prebble, feeling somewhat amused by this army deserter’s attempt to follow traditional name, rank, and serial number, reached for the telephone.

Pebble: (talking into the phone )“Major ‘Met’, The traitor still isnt talking. Want to have a go at him?”
::The Metel door slid open to reveal a young woman with blue dyed hair…holding a ripper in her hand. The Bos recruit suddenly looked into her eyes, and glanced in horror at the ripper.Pebble left the room,mildy laughing to himself::

Bos Captive: “Rec…ruit…Miles..Gggarnett. Holot----“

::He was unable to finish as the ripper blades gashed into the top of his shoulder and sprayed the back wall with blood. The BoS recruit screamed for a long period of time and sobbed without control.::

Bos Captive:”Ill….Ill tell you anything! Please! Ill Tell you anything!”

Major ‘met’:”Thatta boy. Now…what is the access code to your vertibird point defense systems…”
---------------------------------------------END OF SEGMENT------------------------------------


Last edited by Enclave Colonel Allen on Tue Dec 29, 2009 9:46 am; edited 2 times in total (Reason for editing : spacing properly)
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PostSubject: Re: America Reborn   Tue Dec 29, 2009 7:52 pm

Nice, but alas. That must be one wimpy malnourished Bos Recruit. To lose teethe from a punch from Pebbles.
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PostSubject: Re: America Reborn   Tue Dec 29, 2009 8:52 pm

Flattoecory wrote:
Nice, but alas. That must be one wimpy malnourished Bos Recruit. To lose teethe from a punch from Pebbles.

power fist. Surprised. Maybe. Its likely considering its a recruit fresh out of the wastes. And the fist is in power armor (str plus 1), unless its an officer uniform. I wasnt specific Very Happy
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PostSubject: Re: America Reborn   Tue Dec 29, 2009 9:40 pm

Enclave Colonel Allen wrote:
Flattoecory wrote:
Nice, but alas. That must be one wimpy malnourished Bos Recruit. To lose teethe from a punch from Pebbles.

power fist. Surprised. Maybe. Its likely considering its a recruit fresh out of the wastes. And the fist is in power armor (str plus 1), unless its an officer uniform. I wasnt specific Very Happy

Had to be. It just the only way.
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PostSubject: Re: America Reborn   Tue Dec 29, 2009 11:11 pm

H-hey, I can punch just fine! Well, maybe not as well as most, er....I'll just stop talking now. But it was pretty good Allen.
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PostSubject: Re: America Reborn   Tue Dec 29, 2009 11:15 pm

Lt. Pebble wrote:
H-hey, I can punch just fine! Well, maybe not as well as most, er....I'll just stop talking now. But it was pretty good Allen.

You...make yourself sound so...
Hmm.
When can I kill you off. Nuke!
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PostSubject: Re: America Reborn   Tue Dec 29, 2009 11:23 pm

Enclave Colonel Allen wrote:
Lt. Pebble wrote:
H-hey, I can punch just fine! Well, maybe not as well as most, er....I'll just stop talking now. But it was pretty good Allen.

You...make yourself sound so...
Hmm.
When can I kill you off. Nuke!

Can't some fool set him essential.

See
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