shade's guide to surviving the capital wasteland

note this is just to get ideas and bordom

part 1 introduction

-greeting if you are reading this guide it means one of two things on you purchaced this guide from one
of the enclaves many merchants or two you found it on the corpse of a enclave soldier in which case I
ask you to remain where you are until the recovery teams arrives upon which time you will recive a reward for guarding the corpse of a brave soldier now on the other hand if you purchaced this guide you will find it full of information on surviving the harshnest of the capital wasteland from fighting off Predators to discovering what is good to eat and what is not while also explaining the many drugs you will no doubt find this guide will explain it all all with the help of my assistant Lt. Johnathan M. Pebble the following chapters will explain about the many odd and highly dangerous creatures of the wasteland

When did I volunteer for this? Doesn't matter, I'll do brilliantly!

Wait, "odd and highly dangerous creatures of the wasteland"? Deathclaws and yao guai and mirelurks, oh my!

I'm guessing it's Pebble's job to be the Lone Wanderer and Shade will be Moira.

yeah except all pebble gets for his troubles is to get mauled by dangerous animals and im not doing it myself because it's more entertaning this way also i have absolutly no idea what im doing

chapter two dealing with roaches

now for chapter two of the guide sadly due to regulation i must list these animals by how much of a threat they pocess we will start with what most consider the weakest in the waste the Radroach the radroach is one of the least treating creatures of the wast and are considered by some to be just a waste of ammo it basicaly is all it takes is a good stomp...and that basicaly it their waste of ammo that can easily be stepped on to be killed. and to show this i have sent lt. pebble unarmed and dressed only in casual wasteland garb into a radroach den sprayed with a solution that makes any radroach that smells it go incredibly violent and bloodthirsty the video which can be bought from any enclave merchant that you enconter.

I hate to disagree with you shade, but Bloatflys are in my opinion the Weakest Wasteland pest. A punch will take them down.

to be truethful i consider both radroaches and bloatflies equaly weak

For both your information, I get a very pleasant bag lunch as payment for my services. And yes, as you can see, I came out mostly unscathed. They were quite un-threatening, and all it took was a menagerie of stomps and and running around screaming. I even have a pet to show for my efforts!

Lt. Pebble wrote:

For both your information, I get a very pleasant bag lunch as payment for my services. And yes, as you can see, I came out mostly unscathed. They were quite un-threatening, and all it took was a menagerie of stomps and and running around screaming. I even have a pet to show for my efforts!

What did you do with that Flesh eating virus I gave you?

You never....wait, when did you get back from Brazil? And what about all the other stuff?

Lt. Pebble wrote:

You never....wait, when did you get back from Brazil? And what about all the other stuff?

It seems My report never was saved....

Next...deathclaw domestication without mind control.

or

Do Nutfruit (if ya kno' what I mean)rubbed in salesbury steak taste good to yao gui.

Enclave Colonel Allen wrote:

Next...deathclaw domestication without mind control.

or

Do Nutfruit (if ya kno' what I mean)rubbed in salesbury steak taste good to yao gui.

The second one sounds kinky and painful at the same time. If you're using it in "that" context of course.

Starting to think shade died in the Wasteland. It happens when you start thinking your almighty.

Well, it seems our host has been lost to the fierce wastelands. (Un)fortunately, I'm still here to complete the documentary. Yes, the assistant, and I do not want to see or hear any smirks coming from the audience. Now, where to begin.....

As you can all see in this delightful pit, there are vicious beasties crawling around in there, separated only by a weak metal gate. We will now test ferocity of these creatures by dropping in members of our audience clad and armed quite varyingly.

[Section cut due to reaction of test audiences]

Hmm, that went much better than expected, we managed to include the entire live audience....which would explain why I no longer hear shouts of hate. Well, that's all for today viewers! Hope this has been a learning experience for all of you! I know it was for them....

Lt. Pebble wrote:

Well, it seems our host has been lost to the fierce wastelands. (Un)fortunately, I'm still here to complete the documentary. Yes, the assistant, and I do not want to see or hear any smirks coming from the audience. Now, where to begin.....

As you can all see in this delightful pit, there are vicious beasties crawling around in there, separated only by a weak metal gate. We will now test ferocity of these creatures by dropping in members of our audience clad and armed quite varyingly.

[Section cut due to reaction of test audiences]

Hmm, that went much better than expected, we managed to include the entire live audience....which would explain why I no longer hear shouts of hate. Well, that's all for today viewers! Hope this has been a learning experience for all of you! I know it was for them....

Do I not get a turn?

*shows up in Gladiator armor, wielding a very blunt axe*

what the i went outcast hunting for a few days and this is what happens also why is pebble in charge i left a holotape that says that if i am ever missing that cory is to be put in charge and if he is gone to then phil the homicidal robot

Shade.ninja Quartermaster wrote:

what the i went outcast hunting for a few days and this is what happens also why is pebble in charge i left a holotape that says that if i am ever missing that cory is to be put in charge and if he is gone to then phil the homicidal robot

Massy, my pet Deathclaw ate it....

Flattoecory wrote:

Shade.ninja Quartermaster wrote:

what the i went outcast hunting for a few days and this is what happens also why is pebble in charge i left a holotape that says that if i am ever missing that cory is to be put in charge and if he is gone to then phil the homicidal robot

Massy, my pet Deathclaw ate it....

The Mascot?

No no, Massy ate Phil. I'm still here, as you can plainly see. And I never found that holotape Shade, only this live Frag mine.

Outcast hunting, huh? How many'd ya bag?
Also cory, if your jumping down into that pit, could you wait for me to make some popcorn? or maybe get a video recorder? id like to watch the muties get beat up.

I managed to get around three squads before the realized what was going on and retreated into their little rats nest like the powered armored rats that they are. Also, be careful with that mine pebble.